I’m feeling snarky about things as of late, but I kind of feel like they’re a defense mechanism; a mask almost. I’m finding it difficult to remain unfazed while working and with the mounting financial and societal weight on my shoulders as of late. Trying to figure out the best way to fix some of these things.
Posted this on my Facebook a while back, and it’s the truth: I can’t lie, some days I miss my Florida family. It’s been difficult trying to adjust to life on the West Coast.
Been trying to get acclimated to things being so much more expensive. Car registration is going to run me $400 by itself because of some BS about me not having it registered within the first 5 days of being in the state or some crap like that. I guess that’s what happens when your budget totally breaks the bank and you’re just not able to provide for the services promised. Funny that I have to work within such a tight budget but the government gets to spend money it doesn’t have. Wish I could’ve gotten a $10,000 bail-out, that would’ve eliminated a lot of issues for me and made me a more productive member of society immediately. Not to mention would probably make me a happier guy besides. Trying to work with my roommate on collaborating more with regard to weekly meals and the like, but given tight budgets, my inability to cook for myself most of the time given how busy I am, and the fact that my roommate is eats only raw vegan food, it makes things insanely complicated. Suffice to say my meat-consumption has gone down both as a direct result of my financial problems (damn you, California DMV…) as well as my blatant inability to plan for these sorts of things. I should really just go back to what I was doing before, which was making food from mostly ready-made sources and just prepping my week of food ahead of time. Might do that going forward, depending on how badly I get screwed on my funds this month.
Socially, things are more awkward than ever. I feel like I’m a million miles away with regard to my boss and my coworkers, and I’m apparently something like the only gay guy anywhere in North County. Makes dating local really difficult, not to mention a lot more expensive. Moderately frustrated with the presence of other people besides my roommate in the apartment lately. Not entirely sure why… actually, scratch that. I know why. I miss having physical intimacy with people, and I’m frustrated because I can’t get any of that, even on my best day. Suppose that’s part of the reason why I want a cat or something in the apartment; something to dull the ache of being alone and not having anyone or anything to be tactile with.
Not sure how I feel about remaining a resident here for a prolonged period of time, but I suppose that’s just the difficulties talking rather than myself.
Wouldn’t mind some random person dropping me $10k so I could just get out of major debt, even if I had to pay them back in monthly installments. Would be nice…