Breakage

Fairly uneventful week.  Work was about par-for-the-course.  Spent a fair amount of time chasing-down old problems and trying to get solutions ironed-out for things that should have been taken care of a while back.  Happens a lot these days.  Can’t say this is a new experience anymore–the companies that claim to be “agile” are the furthest thing from agile as you could possibly imagine.  Hopefully this sort of thing will be a thing of the past for me in the near future.

Spent the last couple of days being completely detached from my Getting Things Done system and just trying to relax.  Did a fairly good job, still got stuff done. Managed to get a few bills taken care of, got my voter registration package sent in (yes, I registered as a Democrat), and I managed to talk to my parents not once but TWICE in one week.

Huzzah.

Which brings me to today.  Today was rather interesting.  Slept in for about 12 hours, managed to get up and get my room re-organized to my liking, get laundry done, and even get rid of some old paperwork.  Lady from 203 came over and griped again about how she had to move one or more of our bicycles out of the way so she could park her Camaro.  Managed to mention 6 times in 5 minutes how she has a back condition.  Should have won herself an Oscar for that performance, let me tell you.

So explain to me why someone with spinal degeneration or injury has a vehicle that has them sitting about 8″ off the ground?  Please?

Was feeling adventurous at the beginning of the night, so I hopped in the truck and made my way down to Hillcrest.  Wandered around, took a look at a few of the bars down there, managed to get super-weirded out while I was out there and drove home about an hour and a half later.  Most expensive Jack In The Box trip ever, costing me a quarter of a tank plus $7 for the food.  Won’t make that mistake twice… didn’t help that I went completely by myself, I know no-one in the area… and apparently I have social anxiety.

Go figure that one out.

After driving home and sitting here, I began wondering why I have such anxiety problems and what really kept me from going in to one of the bars (aside from the crap hip-hop, oldies music, and really effeminate men).  Still don’t have a complete idea as to what kept me from going inside, but at least I didn’t drop $8 for a rum-and-coke.  Wandered around Hillcrest for the better part of an hour after getting food down there in a total funk before driving all the way back to Carlsbad.  Makes me wonder if this kind of anxiety is what’s causing me to believe that I’m damaged and beyond “fixing”.  I’ve always had this feeling in the back of my head that I’ll be 25, living alone, and have friends scattered around the globe, but I will be unfulfilled and lonely wherever I was.

Funny thing is, the people that want me to NOT end-up this way keep telling me I need to talk about this stuff somehow and get it out in the open, but when I do they end-up either not following-up on it or they kind of fade into the background and disappear eventually.  Sucks.

Maybe washing this hair-gel out, getting some water, and getting another 12 hours of sleep will make me feel better.  Maybe not.  Will find out tomorrow.

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