Journal Entry, 12/20/2012

It’s certainly been a while since I’ve taken the time to fill this void with thoughts made semi-permanent through the magic of technology.  A long journey was had from San Diego to where I reside now on one of the very Western edges of Boston, and the change of scenery has put me in something of a more interesting space in my head.  One might almost be tempted to use a word such as queer, if one was not afraid of straying too close to the parlance of gay culture.  A great number of travelers, artists, and wisdom-seekers (including Mark Twain) have stated openly that travel opens the mind and enables the soul to truly confront itself; a kind of spiritual warfare declared upon the Self.  Perhaps truly the most definitive description of a “psychic war”.

I completed moving in with my long-distance boyfriend the weekend of the 11th, after completing the last leg of a journey of miles by the thousands.  Delirious from exhaustion, shivering from the cold, and left to wander my own thoughts for well over a week in the space of two Navy warship bunks stacked on top of each other with my entire life’s worth of belongings tucked away haphazardly in the bed of my truck and protected only by a quarter-inch of metal-and-glass.  That is how I arrived to meet my boyfriend again for the first time since we parted ways post-Burning-Man.  I suppose it was to be expected, granted that I took basically 49 hours to cross 6 states from California to Florida and only slept about 5 out of those 49 hours.  That leg of the journey was arguably the worst of it, as the stay in NC with another close friend of mine was heaven by-comparison.  Making it to CT to meet-up with my better half was probably the best feeling I’d had in a long time… as Gandalf so eloquently put it, “One stage of your journey is over– another begins”.

Settling-in has been an exercise in cyclical exhaustion and exhilaration with both of our belongings having to compete for the limited space in our Waltham flat.  Combined with the interesting parking situation in this part of Boston (no overnight parking in Waltham except where signage says otherwise), and the rather noticeable complication regarding not being within walking distance of a subway line, getting around has been an exercise in automotive juggling the likes of which I haven’t seen since my parents and I first moved to Florida with all 3 of our vehicles (my parents’ car, my ’97 Toyota Tercel, and the non-operational ’68 Mustang).

My job search is at least taking off with a bit more verve and vigor than I had expected, which is a great deal more heartening than the situation I had encountered in Southern California.  The barrier-to-entry with many positions I had found in Southern California is a lot lower here in the Greater Boston area, given that there are a great deal more start-ups in the city than there were in SoCal.  Ironic, given that one would’ve expected that out of Silicon Valley, but I suppose that now that Silicon Valley is the Mecca of technology and the center of the Internet universe, it would only make sense that more start-ups would actually be cropping-up beyond the incorporated walled-garden that is Silicon Valley.  I have had interviews with at least 4 organizations in the last week, all of them remaining promising leads despite the slow responses from all of them.  I expect that after Christmas the pace will pick-up and stuff will start happening.

It’s been a slow process of confronting myself and what I had planned prior to leaving Southern California.  Read a manifesto about something called “The Legacy Project” that I got linked to from my RSS feed, and I have to say it’s probably among the heaviest reading I’ve done in a little while.  I haven’t actually taken the time to sit down and read proper literature in the last few weeks simply because I haven’t had enough time or the gumption to be able to justify doing so.  Unfortunately, the same logic has precluded me from engaging in any large-scale mind-mapping, meditation, mind-dumping, or bouldering.  In the last couple of days I’ve managed to get over to the climbing gym a couple times, but I wonder how well that will work when I’m working 40+ hours a week again.  Suppose I will have to engage that issue as I have to engage everything else: one step at a time.

Winter typically isn’t a season I favor, even given my proclivity for venturing out to public spaces and shutting other people out with noise-cancelling headphones or trekking out a few miles or more onto a remote trail somewhere and enjoying the outdoors by myself.  Winter always feels more lonely than even being completely alone for a dozen miles in any direction.  I can’t quite explain it, but even sleeping beside someone I love very dearly… I still sometimes feel a million miles away from anyone or anything warm or loving.  It’s not always that way because some nights (like last night) I slept relatively soundly and had no real dreams or nightmares to speak of.  I even got up shortly after my alarm went off and got my day started without too much of a fuss, but on the days that the loneliness is palpable, it becomes a proverbial uphill slog to feel more than indifferent about anything.  It’s been getting a little bit easier as I’ve been able to figure out what foods and drinks are beneficial for me and which aren’t and how I can better recognize my triggers and mood-cycles before they start, but it’s still a psychic war all the same.

Long weekend ahead of me, as I have to prepare a Yule ritual for dinner tomorrow night with one of my boyfriend’s friends and catch-up with a couple more recruiters before Christmas rolls-around.  If I don’t write again before then:

Happy Yule (to my Pagan/Wiccan friends)

Merry Christmas (to my Christian friends)

Chanuka Sameach (to my Jewish friends)

As-Salamu Alaykum (to my Muslim friends)

and Happy Festivus (to the rest of you)


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