The last few weeks have been chock-full of opportunities at every turn. Not a single day has gone by yet where I haven’t had the opportunity to turn a difficult situation into a learning experience or to alter the fundamental way that I experience the universe around me. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this way, and the days are getting better by degrees as a result.
I’ve spent the last couple of months re-tooling my life and trying to not only quantify but also to qualify my experiences and give them some kind of rational weight and meaning. For example, over the last few weeks I had been looking for new employment, and the rigors of engaging in the interviewing process while maintaining a steady full-time position weighed heavily upon me and caused me additional stress that I hadn’t intended. While working through that stress, I came to the understanding with myself that I was merely embarking on a course-change that, as a matter-of-course, was going to present its own kinds of difficulties anyway… so why bother fretting about it or bother to keep up appearances? Bearing that in-mind, I was much more confident during my interviews than I had been at any other time in my life, and I felt like I really nailed all of the interviews I went on. Sure enough, all three organizations that I interviewed with reached back out to the recruiter I was working with and expressed interest in working with me further, of which I was given the opportunity to choose the one I sincerely wanted. It feels nice to be wanted.
Along those same lines, I have endeavored in long and difficult hours to whittle-away at the negative feelings and emotions that have surrounded me and caused me more grief than was really necessary for the situation. I have reduced my listening time to music that is negative at its core, I’ve tried to steer myself clear of news outlets and personalities that are prone to complaint, violence in speech, and self-destructive behaviors, and have worked to surround myself with more positive thoughts, goals, and people. Folks who are strong, honest, and motivated– folks that are much more likely to motivate me to do better and to strive for what I want and never compromise. In so doing, I have effectively ‘disconnected’ from some people and some groups, and some of them have been rightly upset with me for doing so. But let me be clear: It is not a slight against the people that I have disconnected from, and it was never intended to be so. It is simply a set of changes in my life designed purely-and-completely to improve the value and quality of my life and the lives of others. If you’re reading this and I haven’t connected with you in a significant amount of time, know that it isn’t necessarily the fact that negativity played a part in our gradual separation, but it might have simply been the fact that we have drifted-apart as friends. These things happen.
Someone called me Monday morning that I didn’t expect. Such a pleasant surprise to receive a call from someone whom you admire, respect, and love (even if at-a-distance) that you haven’t spoken to in a hot minute. It was interesting to listen to him and what had happened in the last year or so, and to know that I wasn’t alone in the self-revolution that I had embarked upon. He spoke of being reintroduced to past experiences and emotions, tearing them down and re-establishing the basis of those situations and realizing that what had happened was both directly and indirectly influenced by the way that he had chosen to live his life, but he was now determined to not make that happen again. I could feel the warmth and the vibration through the phone: my friend was back and had already kicked his life into high-gear. That conversation closed with me gazing out my bedroom window, grinning from ear-to-ear and bouncing with excitement on the inside, knowing that it wasn’t just me and that things never really “stopped”, they just went on a year-plus sabbatical.
Days and weeks like this have worked to reinforce the ideal that there really isn’t a “stopping-point” within self-development or healing, that it is a constant revolution that requires constant vigilance, maintenance, and consciousness that too many of us are either entirely unaware of or have rejected outright. I had spent long hours in the past rejecting that revolution and instead cleaving to the more simplistic belief that I was entirely fine and that the directions my life had been taking were completely natural and everything would work-out just fine… I would almost pay a king’s ransom to be a fly-on-the-wall to have seen my face the day that I finally knew different.