Being on the road gives you a lot of time to think. Being able to think without distractions about my life, the things that I keep (including the large number of them currently strewn about the back of the truck currently), and the purpose toward which I have directed my youth. The more I think about the things that I’ve done so far, the more that I realize that some of it actually was exciting to some extent. That my career could have grown as it has without any kind of college education (or any of the debt) and that I could have moved cross-country twice is a feat in itself.
What’s becoming clear to me during these little thought experiments is just how essential curation is (and admittedly, in some cases how poorly I’ve been doing it). More people, more stuff, more events–just more, more, more. FOMO is a real thing, and it’s pretty terrible.
For example, the notion that I am unable to travel places, take great photos, and have meaningful adventures without pulling a Walter Mitty and just abandoning my career to seek it out is just patently untrue. There are plenty of people with careers that find time to seek out high-adventure, some of whom I know extremely personally.
What’s becoming clear to me as I’m beginning to wake-up and get on with the next part of this first leg of the adventure is that I’ve needed time just away from everything. I’ve needed to disconnect, to not stare at a screen for 10 hours a day, and to be able to see the world and feel the sun on my face and the wind across my skin. I’ve been mired in the trenches for so long that I stopped bothering to look over the edge of the same to see what lies beyond. I find myself not just thinking about my career (though that’s important to me), but thinking more broadly about what makes me happiest. I’m realizing that I don’t know what that is and given the personal work that I’m doing elsewhere… I think that’s actually okay.
So I guess something I can take away from the last day or so is simply this: It’s okay to not know. Half the fun’s in figuring it out.