Getting up to speed

It’s been a rough couple of months.  Let’s start with the stuff that happened at the end of May.

I decided that the living arrangement in Somerville, MA wasn’t really a good fit anymore and looked around for somewhere that would be less expensive.  After a bit of searching, I found out that the house I’d lived in about three years ago had another room opening up at half the rent I was paying at the time.  I decided to make the jump, put the money down, and got down to the work of minimizing more “stuff”.  Got that all sorted out, got the room, got packed and moved.

On the final run out from Somerville to the room in Brighton, I got into an accident.  I was unable to react fast enough to a pair of vehicles that were stopped for a pedestrian in a pedestrian crossing and ended-up rear-ending a car that rear-ended the car in front of it.  Thankfully there were no injuries, but my truck’s bumper incurred some damage and my airbags deployed.  After a quick flip of the fuel-shutoff in the cab and an inspection at a body-shop, I discovered that the frame was okay but the repairs to the truck were estimated at four thousand dollars.  Money I didn’t (and still don’t) have.  The only silver lining out of all of this is that I had my truck inspected earlier in May, so I at least had a sticker that would last me until May of 2017.

Which brings me to the next problem: figuring out what to do with my truck.  The truck’s repair costs basically out-strip it’s overall worth as a daily-driver, but as a project vehicle or adventure vehicle it’s a great platform for someone else to build off of.  Idle adventuring, hucking gear for hauling, or just plain tooling around; it does it all with equal aplomb.  The problem being that the four-thousand dollar up-front repair cost kind of puts it out of the reach of anybody but the most dedicated (or crazy) enthusiast.  Figuring out whether or not to get a replacement vehicle is also a big consideration.  Potentially adding another five-hundred-plus dollars per month to my monthly expenses when I’m so close to debt-zero would potentially be a huge step backward.  That being said, not having a vehicle in inclement weather is a poor situation to be in as well.  I’m still on the fence about what to do, but I’m considering all of my options.

So.  The move.  I’m in Brighton, MA (again).  It’s certainly frustrating in some respects, but there’s I think plenty to be happy with.  It’s a compact life, but it’s a life that I am becoming more accustomed to as time goes on.  The seven-by-thirteen foot room was described as “monastic” by a close friend when I showed him pictures of the space.

The digital battle-station.
The place where the magic happens (not really).

As time has gone on, I’ve found that I actually need less “stuff” in my life.  I’m moving toward a more intentional life.  The detritus is being slowly cleared away.

Throughout all of this, I’ve also been fighting down anxiety attacks, depression, and PTSD symptoms.  I haven’t been as successful at doing all of these things as I would like.  There have been times in the last few weeks where I’ve been close to breaking down in tears.  The thought there being “things were going so well, and then things went completely pear-shaped”.

Trying to sit with the anxiety more lately.  I’m finding it hard to observe it without engaging it.  It’s so deeply-rooted it literally feels as if it’s a part of me.  It sometimes takes everything I have to get through a day.  I’m trying to reign it in and get a handle on things, but I win some and I lose some.

Hopefully will have a buyer for the pickup before the end of this month, and then I’ll be able to figure out what to do next.  I’m eyeing moving to Portland, OR at the end of the year, but I’ll have to run some numbers and see where things stand at the end of August.

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