Many times in a life, there comes a reckoning of sorts. A time when viewing the past through the lenses of experience and brutal honesty becomes more than an activity–it becomes a way of life.
Sometimes, but not always, suffering comes galloping in on the most pale of horses and lays waste to an otherwise copacetic life. Rooted in the collision of prior expectations and perceived reality, it can rip us from our moorings and make it difficult for us look at the past objectively.
The growth that comes from retrospect is sometimes earned through doing battle with the monsters of our id and the demons of our ego. What we assume to be true, upon closer inspection, might be something that lies farthest from. The intentions we might assign or expect from someone might be so incorrect that it could be said that it might have been better to have had no expectations at all.
That being said, the main point not even necessarily be about you. It might be around reasonable accountability. Is it reasonable to hold yourself accountable? Was it really in your control to begin with? Was it actually someone else’s influence or lack thereof that made it so?
What was the actual outcome rather than the outcome you expected? If you can’t rationalize your actions, then maybe that’s the first place to start.