Depression and trauma commit the most heinous of crimes. They steal our ability to be happy, to love unconditionally, and to be fully present. They make it hard to comprehend that our suffering isn’t grounded in a complete and holistic view of reality. They prevent us from being able to understand that all of us are […]

I’ve spent a lot of time living under the belief that I am insufficient, deficient, or otherwise defective. I believed that this was the case because no one was even pretending to be my champion. I lived in such painful invisibility that I acted out in a number of ways just to somehow try and […]

I want to go somewhere else entirely.  A place where I will forget my own name.  How my face looks.  The sound of another heartbeat.  The feel of skin against my own. Another day.  Another disappointment.  Another night.  One more heartbreak stacked atop the rest; just bricks slapped atop a layer of pale loneliness. I […]

I’ve operated under a number of fallacies up until now.  That I’m above my circumstances.  That most everything can be attributed to being a mental block.  That I’ve moved past pettiness and hangups.  That I can just will myself to work through the discomfort and the pain. The truth is that those fallacies did little […]

On vacation for the first time since early this year. I’ve had discussions with people telling me that I should have taken more time off a lot earlier, and I think in retrospect they were probably more right than I wanted them to be. There’s a lot that probably could have been avoided if I’d […]

Imagine you’re in a white room.  The room is infinitely-large; so large you can’t see a wall or any kind of horizon.  Now, imagine filling that room with televisions.  On those televisions is every thought and memory you’ve ever had, every possible situation of every single event in your life past, present, and future, and […]

Home isn’t always just “where the heart is”. For some, home is often that safe space where they can feel lighter and less compressed. For others, home is where their loved ones are. Home can be that space where the madness of the world and the compression of modern life can be kept at-bay for […]

It’s been a long and sordid ride through the last four months of my life.  Words just aren’t enough to convey the places my life and my choices have taken me and the pain that I have endured.  I swore I’d never bleed for anyone or anything ever again–yet here I sit, bled-dry and left […]

It does not escape me that I am surrounded by detritus. I am ensconced within a quivering and unstable fortress of stuff tied directly to old memories and painful past lives. Not a second escapes my notice wherein I am able to see all of the old things that hold my life and my memories […]